Hi All

We are about to embark on a new and very exciting project. It is called an Asset Building initiative, based on 40 developmental building blocks, identified to be crucial in buildy healthy lives.

1. Mobilise a critical mass of adults for asset building.  Much of the community's asset-building potential lies in informal daily relationships and personal commitments of the adults who live, work or spend time in the community. This certainly includes parents and professionals who work with children and youth, but an important emphasis is on reaching other adults who haven't been expected to be resources for kids.
2. Engage youth in building assets for themselves,their peers, and younger children. Young people have tremendous potential as asset builders by engaging in asset-promoting activities and relationships, through nurturing their peer's assets and by reaching out to younger children to build their assets. Provide young people with the encouragement, skills, and opportunities to be proactive asset builders themselves.
3. Infuse asset building into organisations, sectors and systems. All sectors and organisations in a community - including schools, congregations, neighbourhoods, youth organisations, social service agencies, health-care providers, employers and others- have potential for asset building. Focus on mobilising, equipping and supporting institutions and sectors as they become stronger resources and allies for asset building by infusing asset building into the culture, programmes and practices of each organisation.
4. Promote asset-based messages, policies, practices and opportunities. Cultivate and re-inforce a shared vision and consistent messages that align the people and institutions in contributing to the healthy development of young people. In some cases, this strategy involves developing new programmes and activities to fill gaps in the community's asset-building resources.
5. Support, promote and link the community's asset building efforts. This final strategy is the work of an initiative, coalition or organisation (e.g. LMC) that is supporting the community's asset-building work. Rather than seeing it's role as doing the community's asset-building, the initiative focuses on inspiring and equipping the people, places and systems of the community to engage in asset-building action.

Hi All

This is just a short newsletter to let you all know that the Fathers website and resource offerings are undergoing a major revamp. It is a very exciting time for us right now, as we contemplate taking Fathers in Africa forward on a full-time basis.

We are exhibiting at the Baba Indaba show at the Pretoria Showgrounds from 5-7 June 2009.

Come and see us there!

Keep your eyes on the website as it is updated over the next few weeks.

Cheers for now

Kevin

One of my commitments to you is to give you the resources that will ensure that your relationship with your children is based on "engagement, active participation, fulfillment, trust, respect, love and ....... serious fun".

We are busy developing specialist programs that are realized in a bush and/or scuba diving environment that provide opportunities to bring dads and kids together to connect in a unique way.

These are some of the aims of the progam:

• To provide life impacting, positive outcomes for all fathers (or significant males) and their children.
• When there has been a family breakdown, to re-establish the vital bonding between these fathers and their children.
• Through education, affirm and empower fathers for the vital role they play in raising their children.
• To educate fathers of the significant impact they can make in child development outcomes, and provide them with the necessary parenting skills that will enable them to produce long-term development outcomes with their children.
• To empower fathers with practical and creative tools to be able to communicate, interact and play with their children at different levels.
• To facilitate children connecting with their fathers at a deeper level and improve their level of communication, confidence and self esteem.

The pioneer programme will be launched on the weekend 10 - 12 November at a special rate of R600-00 per person (fully catered, except drinks).  This weekend is aimed at dads with children between the ages of 8 and 13, and will be at a Game Reserve within 2 hours drive of Johannesburg.  Please phone me if you would like to join us - spaces are limited.

Regards

Kevin (Father-in-training)

A certain newspaper invited a number of people who worked with families and young people to meet and formulate a top twelve list of values. The group was made up of Protestants, Catholics, Jews, Muslims and Agnostics. The final list is not surprising: 

1. Respect for self, others and our world.
2. Compassion
3. A sense of awe, wonder, trust and faith
4. Tolerance
5. Integrity/honesty
6. Justice, fairness
7. Love of learning and reverence for wisdom
8. A sense of boundaries, limits and propriety
9. Courage
10. Commitment, tenacity (not quitting)
11. Altruism, generosity, proper use of money
12. Understanding and commitment to right from wrong 

It is fact that children easily emulate the behaviour of their parents. Thus positive fatherhood itself can be inculcated in the minds of children even long before they become parents. 

Is it true to say that society will continue to spiral towards moral decay if fathers don’t take a stand and lead their families and children to make bold stands for these values?

 Perhaps you could turn it into a fun activity and sit down to create your own list of twelve values. Get your kids to buy in and sign your own set of family values.

An effective father brings a unique strength

 Thinkers across the social, religious and political spectrum are beginning to emphasise the role of fathers in building safe communities. 

I recently read an article posted on the Civitas (The Institute for the study of Civil Society) website. 

The article talks about the unique strengths that mothers and fathers can bring to their children. The impact has been measured by social scientists. Here are some of the key findings: 

• Richness of care 

A child who has both a mother and a father benefits from an increased richness in care. In other words they benefit from more care, as well as a variety of caring styles.

•  Bridges to the world 

Through their fathers and mothers, children have access to a vast network including grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles, friends of the family, work colleagues, community organizations, faith communities and even personal histories. Fathers and mothers therefore provide bridges to all aspects of the outside world, providing more experiences for children. 

• Mothers benefit from fathers support 

If a mother can count on her children’s fathers support, she will be a happier, more effective parent. Mothers seem to gain the most security when they are married and know the father is committed to a lifelong relationship to her and her child. 

• Breadwinning 

Most families rely on the income from both mothers and fathers, however in two-thirds of two-parent households the father is the main earner.

The important point of the study is that mothers and fathers often bring different strengths and styles to their parenting roles. These roles complement each other, meaning that they are not interchangeable and are necessary for healthy childrearing. 

I will be making the full document available under that “research” of the website, so look out for it. 

Happy fathering!!

Kevin Rutter

Be Intentional

The good news is that our positive words and actions are also recorded by our children’s movie cameras, and they make impressions that are just as vivid and long-lasting as the negative ones.

Maybe it’s an image of you going back to a store because the clerk didn’t charge you enough. Maybe it’s going out of your way to help someone along the side of the road. It might be a phrase or a tone of voice—the endearing way you speak to your wife, or the words, “I was wrong. I’m sorry. Will you forgive me?”

Clarence, an African American man, has a vivid memory from when he was nine years old. One day at a gas station, some men verbally abused his father because of his skin color. Clarence’s father didn’t retaliate or even acknowledge the denigrating remarks. At the time, Clarence was ashamed of his dad for not standing up to them, but now, many years later, he tells the story with pride because his father exercised courageous restraint.

Golf legend Chi Chi Rodriguez tells about a time when his father caught one of the neighborhood boys stealing bananas from a tree in their yard. Instead of pressing charges, his father climbed the tree, cut down some bananas, and then took Chi Chi with him to deliver them to the boy and his family.

You can tell your kids about the principles that are important to you; you can spout platitudes ‘til you’re blue in the face. But when you show them with real-life examples, the lessons really stick.

Dads, we have extraordinary power in modeling. But we need to make sure that when we say, “Follow me,” we know exactly where we’re going.

ACTION POINTS

• Think of one or two habits or virtues that you’d like your children to develop as they mature. Come up with specific ways that you can model those attributes.

• Review the promises you have made to your kids lately. Make sure you keep them.

• Take your kids to do  work for an elderly person.

• Discuss with your wife some of the negative modeling your children are receiving from friends, peers, the media, or from you.

• Take a hard look at your daily habits and emotions. Is there room for improvement? Have you been giving your integrity enough thoughtful consideration?

• Make sure you pick up your clothes and keep your room tidy.

• When the car or a major appliance breaks down, show your children how to handle the problem positively.

• Explain to your children why you have voted for a particular candidate instead of another.

• Always be extra considerate of your wife. Help her with tasks around the house; hold doors open for her; compliment her in your children’s presence.

• Ask your children often: "How can I help?"

Ken Canfield