The Tasks of Idealism

As a new father - fresh off the fathering boat - you face three key challenges.  You're probably eager to be an effective dad, but you're probably a little intimidated at the same time.  That's common in the stage of Idealism.  Here's what you need to focus on during these years.

First, learn about your emotions.  Young children naturally bring out emotion in men.  We can't help ourselves.  Who can explain what happens when a little child grabs your finger in her tiny hands, looks up into your face and says, "I love you Daddy"?

You will have emotions.  You'll be surprised how deep and profound they are.  But the effective father identifies his emotions.  He'll cherish and express the uplifting emotions; love, gratefulness, kindness.  And he'll diffuse the potentially damaging ones; excess pride, anger; or embarrassment.

Number two: learn your job description.  When you drove your new car home, there was an owners manual in the glove compartment. When you drove your new baby home, if you were like me, you held him in your arms and said, "Now what do I do?"

Some dads never find out, so they leave the kids to Mom until they're old enough for some 'real' interaciton.  Your wife may be the one meeting most of their needs right now, but that doesn't mean you're free to go fishing.  Start defining your job description now.  Read books, attend seminars, talk to your father or another older man.

Your third task during the stage of Idealism is to establish a network of support and accountability.  These are people who are ready to meet with you, share your struggles, and offer advice and assistance when you need it most.

Your primary colleague and most valuable asset on your "fathering team" is your wife.  But you also need peers to hold you accountable, and mentors who model healthy manhood and fatherhood.  Take the initiative and find those men.  You really can't afford to go it alone.

Keep your Idealism Dad, and start preparing for the next stage:  Understanding.

(Written by Ken Canfield of the National Centre for Fathering)