FAMILIES NEED FATHERS

A book by Jason DeParle provides a powerful and revealing testimony to a missing essential in urban households -  fathers.  As he writes in American Dream; Three Women, Ten Kids, and a Nations Drive to End Welfare, "The lack of a father means the lack of income, affection and discipline that a father provides.  Kids can overcome it, and they do so all the time, but for someone growing up poor, having just one parent amounts to a double dose of disadvantage."  He recognises that this challenges "a generation of leftist and feminist scholars (who) celebrate the strength of single mothers and argue that their children fair no worse on average than children with both parents at home."

His comments confirm statements made by sociologist Sara McLanahan, a single mother herself who set out to find evidence supporting the notion that single parent families could do just as well as two parent families.  But her findings surprised her and led to her classic 1994 work, 'Growing Up with a Single Parent', in which she writes, "Children who grow up in a household with only one biological parent are worse off, on average, than children who grow up in a household with both of their biological parents, regardless of the parents race or eductional background.

DeParle followed the lives of three women - Opal, Jewell and Angela - as they tried to survive the challenges of growing up in households without fathers and then having children who have little or no contact with their dads.  Angela recalls riding on a bus with her mother when she blurted out to the bus driver, "You want to marry my mom?".  The bus driver, to surprised to respond then heard her say " I want a daddy." Angela's mother  said, "Angela you have a Daddy." To which Angela replied, "He's never home."  Throughout the book, these women express a deep sense of loss and anger whenever they talk about their fathers.

DeParle's work focuses on urban families, but we all know children, who, for any number of reasons, do not have a strong connection - or perhaps have no connection - with their fathers.  They are on every street, in every community.  I believe that we who are already connection, who are already emotionally aware, who are already doing the work in our own families, must extend that work to the unfathered in our extended families, in our childrens schools, and in our communities.  We have so many good things to share, and there are so many children who need an advocate, a friend, a father...

Action Point

Reach out to another family or child who is going through a difficult time. Include them with your family in an outdoor activity.